Assalammualaikum...today I want to write in english...haha just for fun...I can feel a butterly is shuffling in my tummy with a hard rock song..I don't know which clan the butterfly from.... And the truth is I'm worrying about the becoming day...of course the result day....hahaha
By the way...I talk a lot bout all of this stuff on my recent entries... But my heart still thumping like a stallion horse running for a miles... The rushed of the adrenaline make me just like a vampire...huhhh why so suck... I believe nobodies are really confident about the becoming day instead of the one who really put their effort more than everything last time...
To tell the truth... I was an excellent student when I was in the primary school.. I was the school prefect and almost being as the headgirl... I never get less then top three ranking... I never miss the price giving ceremony... and I've been awarded a lot for my excellency.. But the excellency turn into ordinary when I was in the secondary school... I started being lazy and playful... Maybe last time I don't have a lot of friends who has a crazy soul just like me... My friends last time were mostly a bookworm and good kids.... But when I joined the boarding school everything was changed into 360 degrees... I felt so free because no parents aware anymore... I can do anything I want such as not doing my homework and playing truant.... that was too horrible..
Last time when I was in primary school... My mother was a teacher there... I also felt so funny about my past... I was really a good kid... I came to school really early in the morning ...and it was before 7 o' clock... Nobody was there yet and I started read some books.... I always be the one who finished my homework first.... And every teachers there know my name.. I can say that I'm so famous on that time... I always be the good example to others classmate.. And the teachers always praised me on everything I deed... The teacher of student affair had to offer me twice to be a prefect... But my mother did not allow me because it will affect my study time... So I just become the librarian... When the school time come to end I will sit at my mother's table and finished all my homework.... So I just need to study when I go back home... Ouh how nerd I am... In the evening I spent my time with my father riding a bicycle or playing badminton.... how a good girl....
Why I'm telling all of this because just now my mother's friends or I can call my teachers too came to my house... and what thrilled me so much is they said that I'm for sure will get straight A's without any doubt... haha my lung just like stopping for a while.... They still resemble my past and look me as a top student...NO they don't know the reality... I know how my mother felt because she knows the reality... So she kept denying about it...hahaha
My life in secondary school is totally different... I was a passive student and average in studies... I manage to maintain for first classes only for three years... When I'm entering the upper form I was very down...Maybe I never failed any subjects... But I cannot manage to be excellent... I'm not a genius student who can get a good result without studying hard.. My life style had affect me so much... Escaping the class is my routine....I preferred to sleep at the dorm or gave a million excuses for not done my homework.... My preparation class always be a chit chat class... And I slept a lot..hahaha when I became a senior the laziness grew as large as a mammoth and that scared me.... Ha become so lazy to finished my homework... and I don't put too much effort... playing here and there... What a free soul... I don't worry because nobody will ask me.."Hey did you finished your homework yet??" As my parents always do.. My friends also mostly facing a same problem...
When I was form five.. the laziness had reduced a bit but still big haha... I used to spent much time studying what I had missed last time..but that not help me much.... I manage to finished my homework....I always think that why I don't started like this from the beginning.... And the teachers knew me for my mischievous attitude... hahaha but I learned that if I'm continuously being a nerd... I never felt such experience in my life... Sometimes we need some space for us to be free... We don't have to be a statue.. But we must give our effort to be the best in our life.... Now I realize that I don't have to regret about my past.... My past is the best teacher for me to not doing same mistakes again.... Now I need to free my heart and accept everything....just bear in my mind that my real goal is to reach the heaven.... So I must do a lot of kindness to every single creature in this old universe....
So the big day is coming....and I can't do nothing about this... hahahaha come on... let all the worries gone.... I need to go go go and go... I must forget anyone who hurt me...and love the one who love me too... So all the best for me ..ameen..
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